Will you blow on my dice?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
