dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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