Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
