my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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