Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
