id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
