ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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