ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
