she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
