i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
