are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My cat gives me a boner
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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