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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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