I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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