Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
