i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
