She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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