In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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