im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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