There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
