My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found the puke drawer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
