There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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