Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
