i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
