my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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