ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
