Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
