i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
