I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
