The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so much tequila, so little girl.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
