there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
