I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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