Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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