I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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