So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
