I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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