if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
