Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
