i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't deserve a penis
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
