I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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