dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
