Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
