If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
