I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
