Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
