WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
