A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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