My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
