I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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