Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
