i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
