I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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