My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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