Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
