Small penises have feelings too.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
