My hand turned me down
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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