I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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