I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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