I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
