i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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