a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
