Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
