At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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